I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
