wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
