Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
