Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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