I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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