he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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