dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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