The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
