How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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