How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
