that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
