he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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