i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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