the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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