i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my fart just growled at me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
