He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
