I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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