my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this boner is exhausting
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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