It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
