You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
