margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
