Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
