All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
