It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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