At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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