If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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