Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
