I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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