Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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