How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
