I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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