Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
