Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
