I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
