I need help removing her.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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