hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
