I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
