Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
