I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
