you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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