I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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