If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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