we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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