He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
