My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
