great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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