can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
