A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love accidental penises.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will pee on everything he values.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
