then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
