Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
