jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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