You're so nebulous sometimes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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