the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
