Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
