My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
