my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
