im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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